Corner of First and Amistad

A Much Simpler Time

2011-03-20T17:33:00.000+11:00

Today, I found out that one of my favorite teachers from high school has just passed away from liver cancer, may his soul rest in peace. It reminded me of a much simpler time back in high school, where my first priority was my studies and all social constructs are just something that pops out along the way. I didn't need to go out of my way to become someone I'm not just so I can fit in with the crowd. We all loved each other for who we are.

Somehow, I feel like I'm going backwards here in Melbourne. It's as if I'm downgrading myself to more childish ways and resorting to petty actions just to prove a point. I miss the old times. I really do. Hopefully Mr Vejay's passing will serve as a reminder to me, of a much simpler and happier time. A reminder that if you wanna be happy, just keep things simple and don't complicate every matter that comes along your way.

Mr Vejay, you have taught me more than just History. You've taught me how to enjoy my lessons, you've shown me how much you love doing what you do, so much so that even underneath that writhing pain of cancer, you are still able to manage a smile and muster the energy to infect us with laughter.

You will always be in my memory, RIP.

Heart Racing

2010-11-18T02:12:00.000+11:00

Its been ages since I've felt this way about someone. You really make me feel like I'm living a teenage dream, which is ironic considering I'm no longer a teenager.

I don't know what is this feeling inside of me, however unfamiliar, I feel like I've felt this way a long time ago. I really hope this is going somewhere and its not just blindness on my side.

Regardless of the outcome, just wanted to remind myself that during this journey, I really enjoyed just being there for you. :)

Cascade

2010-10-06T03:08:00.000+11:00

Hello all!

It's been eons since I've had anything noteworthy in my life to blog about apart from the fact that Spring has rolled out in full force with the occasional hiccups that send the weather plunging back to the chills we all have grown so accustomed to during winter.

I've been hugely demotivated to do anything at all with my studies which is a really bad thing, really. Not only because my finals are looming upon me, but also because I've no idea what I'm studying at all these days. So I guess its time to catch up on those Lectopias and start on my revision soon enough!

List of things to do by this weekend:

Clean your apartment
REVISION
Prepare for production

Life sucks. Deal with it. SIGH.

Verbal Diarrhea

2010-08-21T14:36:00.000+10:00

I slept for 8 hours yesterday.

Haven't been doing much apart from updating my iPod with sexy new songs and also the usual bumming around doing nothing but wasting my life.

I've noticed that Melbourne's weather is taking a turn for the worse, Spring is approaching yet the absence of heat is becoming more and more apparent.

Nothing big has been going on in my life so far hence the inactive state of the blog. No more depressed emo nights, overly excited happy days. Just simple days with simple routines.

Have I ever mentioned that I hate mid-sems? Its when all of a sudden you start regretting skipping so many lectures and start questioning yourself WHY THE FUCK did you allow yourself to slack in your studies. Not this time! I have the preemptive strike! One week ahead of me, I'll nail this :)

Ok, I'm rambling. Bye.

Don't Ask, Don't Tell

2010-08-18T03:13:00.002+10:00

Don't ask me about me, because even I fail to understand myself.

I was naive enough to think that time will heal all wounds. Lately, those agonizing memories are reawakened. I cannot find solace anymore.

Change

2010-08-14T13:46:00.000+10:00

Everyone needs change from time to time. Everyone needs to get out of that routine slug they're all stuck in.

But not everyone is willing to change.

We just gotta learn how to embrace it.

Screw Ups

2010-07-05T15:24:00.002+10:00

Today, my worries were verified. I screwed up the last semester. BIG TIME.

Now, I really need to focus, and do what is right and reprioritize. For the first time since my PMR year, I fear for my studies.

Mayhaps

2010-07-01T04:26:00.000+10:00

Today, I got the opportunity to get reconnected with my past.

Questions flooded my mind like a dam of water being released. All the maybes and perhaps.

Then I look forward, and saw that I made the right choice. It was well in the end.

Gratitude

2010-06-29T04:48:00.000+10:00

Living in a foreign country all by yourself is no easy feat to accomplish. You are introduced to a strange new world filled with unfamiliar faces and a challenging culture.

You find your way through in this place and manage to finally settle down with a group of individuals that you have come to love as much as any other person in this world. They give you strength when you need it the most, they make you laugh when your world seems to crumble, they are the ones that bother to ask you 'how are you' when you look down, they are the ones that best understand you. Above all else, they are the ones that keep coming back regardless of the amount of fights and silent treatment that's been going around.

Friends are bound to disagree on many things and also to abuse one another behind each others' back. But what defines a strong connection between these individuals is when despite all these hardships and the shortcomings of the individuals in the group, the bond is able to look past all that and be strengthened through understanding and acceptance.

I am blessed. For I have come across a group of individuals who are not only tolerant of just about any thing (although we may occasionally make a bit of a noise about things), but also loving and accepting of each other. I don't know what more I can say about this group of friends apart from the fact that I am deeply grateful to see them every single day, to hear their voices, to be able to discern their distinctive laughter (you know who you are), to be able to point to a certain individual when a certain characteristic is raised in a discussion, to be able to get drunk and get sober again with, to be angry but not hateful with, to see things through (especially exams) with, to witness their coming of age, and most importantly, grateful to be able to be a part of their lives and them in mine.

I do not know what I would do without you guys. Thank you for everything.

There will be many more birthdays to come

many more trips to be made

many more performances to take part in/witness

many more crazy moments

halloweens

late night suppers

and many many many more years to go :)

Ryan, Sha, Wen Ting, Wee Lim, Izzie, Nicole, Michele, Yun Shen, Carmen, Caitlin, Alastair, Pei Qi, Liz and Jun Jing. I am glad and brave enough to call each and everyone of you my bro and sis because that is how much all of you mean to me. I've got your backs, always.

That Piece of Us

2010-06-29T04:15:00.000+10:00

When I was little, and by little I mean young, childlike, but by no means was I little physically as I have always been a giant of sorts amongst my peers. Anyway, when I was little, I used to look forward to the heavy rain that Kuala Lumpur has not seen in such long a time. The rain used to pour down like a dam just collapsed and I always love to take in that fresh air that follows right after the rain. Is it me or the air these days is really not as fresh as it was about ten years ago?

How I long for those times, times when the biggest event in your world was your birthday, the most important people in your world were you parents only and you felt like you could soar the skies and you have not yet understood the full extent of death and evilness. That naivety is really something hard to come across now these days.

I miss drenching myself in the rain. I miss hiding underneath the pillows when the thunder rumbles. I miss jumping at the sight of the crackling lightning. Above all else, I miss being myself, ten years younger. Its as if once you past that primary school marker, you embark on a journey that is entailed with studies and achievements that will ultimately end with you getting out of Uni and working your ass off 9-5 everyday just to make end's meet.

No longer do we have the time to just dance in the rain like we used to. We find ourselves so conscious of how people perceive us that we dare not do the things that we secretly crave to do. Singing out loud, running around with your arms wide open, telling your parents "I love you" more than a hundred times a day. When was the last time you told your parents you love them? As we get older, these things get awkward to perform but if you think about it, there really is nothing wrong with these actions.

Ultimately, we are bounded by a set of adult rules, a standard that all of us wish to fulfill in order to relinquish ourselves from the title that we have carried in our childhoods. Yet, deep down inside, all of us, at least a part of us, screams in quiet desperation to reconnect with that naivety once more.

And then you look down, and you remember who you used to be...

Just A Breathe Away

2010-06-24T02:27:00.000+10:00

Pardon the rather morbid blog title but what with Michael Jackson's first year anniversary coming up, I'm inclined to feel rather depressed with the entire prospect of living and being hopeful about life and all the good gifts that it promises.

So day four of being back in Malaysia and how am I feeling? Rather dull, that's all I can say. I've been doing nothing but staying at home living a miserable life that follows a simple mantra that I have developed over the course of my boredom. Wake up, eat, play, sleep. Rinse and repeat.

Haven't gone out with anyone yet and probably because I just don't feel like seeing anyone during this short trip back. I feel like my needs to avoid anyone are being warranted by the fact that my hair is growing to a stupendously dreadful stage. Bah! Whatever. Haircut can wait.

Now, I've made some plans for this holiday, a list of sorts of things that I would do before the semester starts. I really hope I will be able to complete them. Another not so inviting prospect is the unstoppable and merciless countdown towards the 18th of July, which is the day when I shall depart from teenage hood and ascend into the adult's world. Can't say I'm thrilled. It stirs up mix feelings in me. On one hand, I'm really psyched about this whole turning twenty thing well on the other, I can't help but feel like youth is escaping me. Funny, coming from a twenty year old.

I've been living my life for nineteen years, nineteen useless years in which I have accomplished nothing extraordinary. Across the globe, people of this age have already had number 1 hit songs on their list the likes of Rihanna, or even scored the defining World Cup goal. Yet, I find myself encumbered by the restrains of life such as studies and financial restrictions.

Guess not everyone is cut out for big things. You really need luck.

Pray that the next decade will be better. :)

Airplanes

2010-06-20T04:04:00.000+10:00

So here I am scurrying about from my bed to my living room, which is no more than a few strides by the way, busy packing up to evacuate this current apartment and head on home to Malaysia.

I know I've been yippidy and yapping on about not wanting to head home and how much a pain in the ass the flight home is. Somehow, each time after I start packing up, I realize just how much I miss home, the people, the friends, the food, the atmosphere.

This short trip will only last for two weeks and I hope that the fact that it will only last for two weeks will push me to enjoy it even more, to appreciate every moment of the fifteen days.

Anyway, I'm really looking forward to heading home this time but at the same time I can't wait to get back here to start an exciting semester. I've got loads planned for the new semester and this time I AM GOING TO ACCOMPLISH ALL OF THEM!

Welcome home Eric :)

End of the Tunnel

2010-06-17T15:21:00.001+10:00

I'm sitting at Baillieu right now, utterly refusing to face the fact that I have a 30% Spanish paper to sit for tomorrow at the Royal Exhibition Building at 2.15pm. I have come to realize that at every start of a new journey, I am almost always brimming with hope and determination and then somehow halfway down the road that fiery passion begins to diminish and by the time the end of the path presents itself, I'm already all blown out.

The result is not achieving anything that I've planned to, not even close.

I guess I'll just have to let this one slip by again.

When I woke up today, it suddenly hit me that in 30 more days I'll be turning twenty, leaving my teen years behind and again, embarking on a whole new journey. Looking back at the past year since my last birthday, I'm glad to say that my 19th year in life has been rather smooth-sailing. Maybe I'm just not cut out for big things, or maybe I just can't be bothered pursuing bigger ambitions in life.

But with time, I face a startling revelation. In one month's time I'll be twenty and I cannot afford to just cruise by life anymore. I really need to pick up the slack and gather myself.

Sigh, let's just hope this is not another meaningless end of another mundane tunnel.

Give Me Wings and I'll Fly

2010-06-13T04:57:00.000+10:00

Sometimes you lie on your bed and wonder what exactly are your dreams and ambitions? That sort of feeling you get when you try to peek into your future, and all that returns is a vast darkness.

I've been getting that feeling a lot lately. What exactly do I want out of my life? Who I really am? Who I was, and who I wanna be. (accidental quote from The Fray heh)

I aspire to be so many things but yet I do not strive towards any of them. I vehemently claim that I will pursue my dreams to the very end but my will and determination seems to last as long as two dawns. I claim to want to reorganize my life but yet I just let those little things slip by and slowly I descend back into self-imposed anarchy.

You have to figure out what you want Eric, and you have better damn well do that soon. You're already twenty, not a lot of time left before you go out to the real world out there and fight for yourself!

But with my current situation, I am just at a lost. A lost of what I should do, which path I should take. I need a compass. A metaphorical one so to speak. I do not want people to dictate how I should do things but at the same time I really cannot discern the correct way for me to walk down.

I can only place my faith in You now, that You will guide me through this perilous time. Give me wings, so that I can fly. Push me up a lil more, and maybe I will soar.

A Fortnight of Late-Nights

2010-05-24T04:08:00.000+10:00

Hello all,

Two more weeks until exams finally kicks in. My preparation status is nil. Am I doomed?

That is a big fat YES.

Are you doomed?

I hope not.

Alright, pardon my incoherent thoughts right now as I have a lethal dose of caffeine in my system. Why the hell did I decide to down that can of Mother is beyond me.

So yes. Mid-review is tomorrow night. I hope the piece will do fine, even if it doesn't, I've already done my best. What's important now is my studies. Hopefully I'll be able to forge something useful out of these two weeks.

I'll be back in Malaysia for about two weeks from the 20th of June to the 5th of July. Catch you guys around!

Promises

2010-05-18T08:13:00.001+10:00

Up at 8 in the morning. Its time for change. Now or never.

A Long Way To Go

2010-05-03T18:02:00.000+10:00

Hello all,

You have my most sincere apologies for subjecting this blog to the ravages of isolation and time. I have been kept busy thanks to Flare Dance Ensemble and late-night hangouts.

I'm typing in this blog entry to remind myself that at some point when I was 19, I felt blessed to have my life the way it is right now. There is an equal balance of bumps and joy, and I'm trying my very best to embrace them all and to take them in for what they are.

I believe I've truly grown more mature than I ever was, being able to see things and accept them for the way they are instead of brooding on it and being all, for want of a better word, emo.

A fulfilling life is what I can say I'm leading right now, albeit I'm a bit lacking in the studies department, but hey, at least I'm working on it now. I'm also trying to dispel all those nasty eating habits I have been having since I got back to Melbourne. Hopefully things will turn out alright for me this time round.

Nothing much to say but I've got two performances coming up. Dancesport Showcase and also MUTSA Ball. For the showcase, not only am I taking part in my own piece, I'm also doing Jun's Glamarous and Pucker Up. I really hope I'll be able to nail it so as to not disappoint my choreographer and also myself.

Let's cross our fingers and pray for the best shall we? :)

Wake Up

2010-04-25T08:05:00.001+10:00

7am in the morning and everything else feels so fresh!

I've got a long day ahead of me!

Say Hello To An Additional Hour

2010-04-04T11:07:00.000+10:00

Daylight Savings ended/started today. I'm never sure whether having an additional hour means that it ended or started. Never bothered to find out anyway.

In any case, party it up with my friends at Bass Lounge while the clock ticked mercilessly away towards 2am when all of a sudden, BAM, it's back to 1am. :D

Anyway, Easter break is going on right now. Let's just hope that I'll be able to finish what I've planned to accomplish throughout the break! :D

Confusion

2010-03-30T21:40:00.002+11:00

Its times like these that I need to step out of the situation, take in a deep breath and look at things objectively. You only need to do this for two more days. Endure. Persevere. Do not fail yourself now Eric.

Empty Promises

2010-03-15T21:33:00.000+11:00

Life is laced with lies.

Promises are often meaningless words spoken with false commitment.

You think you know a person, you think you know what they're thinking, or doing. You thought things will turn out right.

But reality just keeps coming back and slapping your face, urging you to wake up and smell the stench around you.

I dunno what was going on in your head at that time, and I don't even know what is going on in my head right NOW.

Nevertheless, I hope that at the end of this seemingly endless tunnel, we will be able to recapture that much needed daylight to purge ourselves of all these darkness we have surrounded ourselves with.

I need enlightenment, and I need it quick. Someone show me the way?

It's Been A While...

2010-03-08T00:55:00.000+11:00

Hey folks, it's been ages since I've had anything substantial to say around here. Today's not much of a different but I just wanna make a mental note on how I'm doing so far in Melbourne.

The city itself has been a bitch. What with the hailstorms and flash flood? The people however, are getting more and more awesome as the day goes by.

I'm really loving life here and trying my best to eat healthy while failing at it -_-.

Nevertheless, I'm really happy that I've gotten in touch with my dancing side again!

Well, week 2, here I come! Week 1 was crappy cause I skipped most of my classes but hopefully I'll stop slacking around!

:D

A Wrong Choice

2010-02-25T01:25:00.001+11:00

What have I done?

Musings

2010-02-04T02:19:00.000+11:00

16 days to go before I leave KL and depart to Melbourne. Truth be told, I really miss Melbourne. It's not just the friends or the freedom I get there, I actually miss the streets, the familiar places I hang out with my friends, the weather, the people. Melbourne has truly warped my sense of belonging. I feel like I belong there than here nowadays.

Mom told me the apartment will be ready by June. I'm crossing my fingers wishing that it'll be ready by May. I really wanna have my own apartment, a place where I can truly do anything I want to it.

I'm also looking forward to this year in Flare. Hopefully I'll be able to make some contribution to the club as well as have some fun while I'm at it.

I wanna save up on money this year to go to many places in Australia. So far I know Gold Coast is in the planning and I would really love to visit other famous parts of the country. Fool around with Kangaroos or maybe hug a Koala Bear or even walk around with little penguins around me.

I'm about to embark on my third year in Melbourne, Australia. I truly hope that this year will turn out to be even better than the last. No more skipping classes for invalid reasons! No more slacking! Time to get serious Eric! Its now or never!

Vision

2010-01-27T04:58:00.000+11:00

I'm standing here right at the end of the tunnel, hoping to see the slightest trace of light that I can find. Yet I find myself just standing here with a blanked out mind and a hollowed heart, reaching my hands out to a never-ending darkness.

Have you turned your back on me? Am I left all by myself, once again?

Doubt

2010-01-17T06:37:00.002+11:00

I know it is only the beginning of the year but I'm already starting to doubt what I'm doing and the purpose of me doing them. I'm also beginning to lose vision of who I am in this group and I'm beginning to lose faith in myself. Could this be an endless spiral down to a bad ending once again? I hope I won't lose anyone important to me this time, you all mean too much to me.

Concerts

2010-01-08T05:32:00.000+11:00

Just back from a very tiring and awesome concert at Sunway Surf Beach. Ne-Yo did a wonderful job delivering power-packed dance moves and soulful vocal acrobatics. His on stage charisma is nothing short of amazing and oh my that smile of his can blind a person from a mile away.

He constantly reminded us throughout the night that the concert was a tribute to the late King of Pop Michael Jackson, which really brought another sense of sadness onto me. The fact that it could be Michael's time to shine on stage at this time, the fact that the world has lost the opportunity to see one of the greatest entertainer in the world really struck me hard in the heart.

That led to my rethinking of the tribute piece for Michael Jackson.

If none of you know what I'm talking about, I'm planning a tribute Pop production piece as a tribue to the King of Pop. I sincerely believed that he has in some ways touched my life and yours and let's not even get near his contributions to dance and music.

I need my piece to be acceptable in the eyes of the audience. I know Michael would have wanted his performances to be perfect and I should really strive to achieve that too.

Hopefully you will lend me your strength Michael. This is all for you.

A New Decade

2009-12-31T20:06:00.000+11:00

As the world braces itself to welcome the new decade, I just wish to make a mental note here on the last day of 2009.

2009 has been a year full of ups and downs. Friendships broken, but new bonds formed. Strangers became friends, and friends became buddies. The strange thing about studying overseas is that people tend to bond way faster than they do in their own countries. Rarely have I experienced such tightness and warmth from a group of friends that I can now comfortably call my family. You guys taught me how to love, and how to trust, how to laugh, and how to cry, how to hug and how to speak in weird accents, how to admire photography and dance, how to appreciate drama series, how to get through that annoying SWOT VAC, and most importantly how to be myself in a land where one can easily lose themselves.

Being there for each other is a common practice in Melbourne since we have no one to turn to in times of trouble. I'm really grateful to have gotten to know all of you people. You have given me so much more to look forward to in 2010 and so much amazing memories to cherish for 2009.

Our family is indeed a very diverse group of people. We have people who are talented in so many different areas, photography, dance, language, sports, writing skills and so much more! Yet amidst all these apparent differences, we share one common characteristic. The willingness to love and trust. We give so much to each other that we hardly realize that we're doing it at all. Now that I've given some thought about it, I really realize that I couldn't have made it through this year if not for the many talks I've had with some of you.

With you people, mealtimes just became something I look forward to. Study sessions became much less dreadful. Dance practices became much more fun. Hangouts became more awesome. Late-night chats became a routine practice. Seeing each other became the only thing I wish for each and everyday. And happiness and content became a permanent emotion.

But of course, humans are not perfect and we have at some point speak foul of one another or have had some friction between each other. The important thing is, in the end, we still love each other and we are able to put that aside. Still, I would like to apologize for any wrong-doings I have made towards any of you.

In no particular order of importance: Sha, Ryan, Nicole, Izzie, Alai, Caitlin, Michele, Jiah Lit, Pei Qi, Liz, Wen Ting, Jun Jing, Carmen, Wee Lim, Yun Shen. Thank all of you for making 2009 awesome, and thank all of you beforehand for what I expect to be an even more amazing year ahead with you.

Merry Christmas

2009-12-25T18:36:00.000+11:00

When I look into the mirror, I no longer recognize myself. I have emerged from my cocoon and become a better person. That reflection changed because I changed my perspective, my way of perceiving things.

Now I can see the bigger picture so much better, and I can dedude actions based on those cues.

Friendship is something that is hard to grasp.It is easily earned as well as lost. However, if you manage to fortify it with trust, sincerity, loyalty and love, much like a skyscraper needs a steel frame to fortify its structure, the friendship will last for a very long time.

I have finally understood the full extent of this philosophy and hopefully I will be able to utilize my knowledge to further enchance my years to come.

ps: Merry Christmas everybody.

A Dream Come True

2009-12-02T15:04:00.000+11:00

I've promised myself a year ago that I'd make this post a more meaningful one. That I'd live this year to the fullest just so I'd have something more substantial to write here.

Today, I'm proud to say that I've achieved that.

2009 has truly been an amazing year for me. I remember that about a year ago around this time, I was wondering so much about the excitement and hopes Uni life will entail. So far, it hasn't failed me.

The year begin with a bit of rough edges here and there. People breaking up was really putting a strain on some of our relationships. Then there was that whole drama around April to June. I'm really glad it ended. Of course, there is also my own drama with a certain someone. I'm so sorry to have wasted her time for this long only to realize that I've reached a place where I do not have the capacity to fulfill my responsibilities at that moment. And may I add that she is an incredibly understanding and wonderful woman who will make the next guy the happiest guy on earth.

And so, after all that drama, cracks were everywhere in my social life. People were falling apart from me. But a group of girls managed to stick all of us back together. A group of girls whom I have come to love with all my heart, and I would go to great lengths to do just about anything for them. Carmen, Caitlin, Yun Shen, Michele, Yee Hooi, Jun Jing. Thank you so much for seeing through all those thick and thin with me. Carmen, thanks for putting up with my sarcasms and insults all the time, Shen, thanks for always being the first person to come talk to me whenever I'm down, or at least, attempted to. Caitlin, thanks for doing all those little things that matter to me so much like when you placed that note on my door.Yee Hooi, although I didn't really get to see you much this year, but you've always wished for my good health each time I fall sick and you're always asking me how I am whenever you get the chance to see me, it really means a lot that someone cares. And Michele, thanks for listening to me bitch about countless things and also providing me with an overdose of laughter each and everyday. Oh! Let us not forget the wonderful Mr Sniffles! Jiah Lit, you're a really nice person and you and Michele never fail to make me happy each time I see both of you being all lovey-dovey together although I might suggest a room each and everytime.

As for those people who have stuck by me since last year, you know who you are, I'm pretty sure I don't have to go through the whole list of contributions you've made in my life. You should already know how important you are to me.

The year also paved the way for me to realize my passion, albeit on a minor scale. I participated in the University's dance society Flare Dance Ensemble and was given the honor and opportunity to choreograph a gig routine. The gig routine taught me a lot of things, the importance of working together as a group and the conflicts one may encounter along the way of realizing your dreams.

Towards the end of the year, I got to know more people from Flare and it's safe to say that they are an awesome bunch. I'm really looking forward to working with them next year to produce an even more awesome annual production.

The year comes to an end sooner than I thought it would have. Of course there will always be some little regrets you have here and there but overall I think that this year has been a fruitful year and that I have lived it to the best possible.

You, yes you, the one that's reading my blog now. I hope that we'll still see through all the crap that's bound to come in our way when we begin our second year in Uni. Stay with me. :)

Reasoning

2009-11-13T03:09:00.000+11:00

I woke up feeling like I could take on the world today.

Then you had to come crawling back into my life and peel up those scars that have barely healed themselves. Those war wounds. When will the pain stop?

Why wouldn't you just leave me alone? Why must you constantly remind me that at one point in my life, you existed?

I tried every measure possible to shut you out but you clawed your way back in at every chance.

I need you to get out of my life, permanently.

Then I gradually realize..

You're my shadow. I know I need to face you one day. But the only way to destroy you is to embrace the darkness. Shadows can't exist when there is no light. I have to be brave, and not be afraid of the darkness anymore.

When things start falling apart around me, I don't just go running away from the debris anymore. I hold my ground and I try to put them back, even if it means I have to do it piece by piece.

I'm not that same person two years ago anymore. I'm a stronger, much mature person. I have the courage to look up and hold my head high.

You do not dictate what I do, for I have purged you. And I will not allow you to resurface because you have caused far too much harm the last time you were around.

I am still me, two years ago, only so much better.

This Is War

2009-11-07T19:17:00.001+11:00

Three more days to my first paper. My final exams are upon me.

This war will be a tough one, but I shall persevere and emerge victorious!

CHIONG AR!!!

Endurance

2009-11-04T11:27:00.002+11:00

You have to hold on. You have to endure all these hardships and emerge victorious at the end of the journey.

No one's here for you, you'll have to fend for yourself. Stay strong.

To Where You Are

2009-10-24T15:34:00.002+11:00

Who can say for certain,
maybe you're still here?
I feel you all around me,
your memory's so clear.

Deep in the stillness,
I can hear you speak,
You're still an inspiration,
Can it be?

That you are mine forever love,
And you are watching over me from up above.

Are you gently sleeping,
here inside my dream,
And isn't faith believing all power can't be seen,
As my heart holds you just one beat away,
I cherish all you gave me everyday.
And I believe that angels breathe,
and that love will live on and never leave.

Fly me up to where you are beyond the distant stars,
I wish upon tonight to see you smile,
If only for a while to know you're there,
A breathe away's not far to where you are.

I know you're there,
A breathe away's not far to where you are.

Secrets

2009-10-22T16:35:00.002+11:00

Sometimes, just sometimes, late at night, I look into the mirror at myself, and scream at the resentful reflection.

I thought that by doing so I can drown away all my sorrows with the screaming.

Performance

2009-10-09T14:37:00.000+11:00

Last performance for my piece tonight at the ICSS ball. May all turn out well!

God(s) you have been here for me all these time, stay with me.

Holding On

2009-10-05T20:17:00.002+11:00

Whenever you feel like giving up, just remember that the end of this long and hard journey is lit with dreams and hopes that are realized.

Whenever you feel like giving up, just remember to take a deep breathe and settle down your confused mind to set your goals straight again.

Whenever you feel like giving up, just remember that I'll be there for you cause you'll be there for me too :)

Change

2009-09-19T21:35:00.002+10:00

I was never good with change, in fact, I hate it. Change denotes a departure from what is consistent, from that security you are so attuned to.

It sucks even more when that change is forced on you and there is nothing you can do to, ironically, change it.

I guess a part of me hates the whole concept of change because I am a very insecure person. I am someone who needs to know that everything is within my control, some may go as far to brand me a control freak. I also prefer consistency over drastic shifts from the norm.

And it really sucks when things are happening around you so fast, and that you can't stop them from happening because to stop them is to undermine the whole idea of friendship.

I just wish they could understand where I'm coming from. But I know many will think that I'm selfish, maybe I am, but you might wanna look into a mirror before you call me that. Cause that pretty face you are so used to looking at every morning, once pierced deeply by your thoughts and self-reflection, reveals a very very ugly inside that all of us strive to keep hidden.

谷底

2009-09-16T02:53:00.002+10:00

心情迅速降落谷底，在一切自恨当中挣扎。

也许累了吧！非常厌倦镜子里头的倒影！我很恨他，我真的很恨我自己！

Gone Too Soon

2009-09-09T23:44:00.003+10:00

I miss you.

You're gone far too soon.

I ask myself why? And I take solace in knowing that you're in a better place.

My strength to move on came from you. Now that you're gone, it's time to put your teachings to the test.

I miss you.

May we meet again some day in the future.

System

2009-09-06T23:37:00.003+10:00

Sometimes, your day turns a bit brighter because someone decides to divulge in you all their inner thoughts and secrets.
Sometimes, your day turns a bit better because someone shows genuine concern over the most mundane of things that are related to you.
Sometimes, your day turns a bit happier because someone was willing enough to act like a total retard (or maybe they really are retards) and that alone made you smile.
Sometimes, your day turns a bit easier because someone approached you and started to gossip about someone else with you and you take solace in knowing that that someone has not yet forgotten about you.
Sometimes your day turns a bit more joyful because after having completed an unimaginable task, your friends are around you share just that piece of joy with you.
Sometimes, your day takes all those turns and then another one and becomes just the perfect day because all of them are there for you.

You look back at them, and you smile. You know they'll be there, from now till always.

I'm having one of those days. :)

Waking Up

2009-09-05T15:14:00.002+10:00

You know how like sometimes, you wake up in the morning knowing that things will go differently for you from then on?

You know how like on certain days, you open your eyes from sleep and you realize that there's a whole new horizon for you to pursue?

You know how like from time to time, you get yourself up from bed and you have this intution that you've grown to be a better person?

You know how like one day, you wake up from your sleep in the morning, and after you open your eyes and get yourself up from bed, you come to your sense that life is finally back on track?

I'm there now. =)

It was a storm of a week for me for the past seven days but I suppose the issue has resolved on its own. No more irrational infatuations and hyperventilative encounters.

I'm there now, I really am.

Out of Sight, Out of Mind

2009-09-01T02:31:00.001+10:00

How can I get you out of my mind, when you've already conquered it all?

You are like a breath of fresh air that I can never get.

Stop haunting me, stop latching onto my emotions.

I cannot do this, not now, not here.

Different

2009-08-31T04:04:00.002+10:00

Today marks the saddest day in my life so far.

I have just come to realize that by being who I am, and that is by being different, I have effectively ruined all my chances at a normal and happy life.

I look at you, and I thought to myself, I'd probably should go up and say hi. But then I realize, I'm not exactly in the position to do that. I lack a certain quality that many possess. And I know for one, that if I, in any way, decides to develop our relationship further into more than just strangers, I'd send you running in the opposite direction.

People say the greatest pain is inflicted when you get rejection from the person you love, but the truth is, the greatest pain comes when you know you can never tell that person how much you love them because you know that by doing so, not only will you get rejection, you acquire their hatred towards you.

And that, tears your heart apart into a million pieces.

And you'd think things would be fine with all your friends around you. Truth is, as much as they try to understand you, as understanding as they may sound, they can never comprehend the magnitude of the pain you are going through. They just can't. They can never imagine, that feeling of not being able to control that aspect of your life.

Its not a choice. Its not a blessing. Its a curse. And I really want to make full use out of it, to really turn it into something good, something I can be happy about. But once so often, things transpire like what happened tonight, and that sends me plunging downwards, reminding me of just how different I am and how by being different, I can never have what other people do.

This time, I give up, I really do. I cannot do this anymore. My heart has been broken far too many times.

I give up on being myself. If the world wants me to be someone that I'm not, I will just have to comply.

Realize

2009-08-21T16:35:00.002+10:00

Time to take a deep breath and then take a step backwards and look at things differently.

Try a different approach, gain a new perspective on things. Refocus on what is important and what matters to you the most. Organize your thoughts and try not to let all that chaos engulf you.

Prioritize.

Reorganize.

Focus.

Dream.

Dream on, as dreams drive us to the very end of what we can achieve. Dreams push us to attain that potential we never knew we had in ourselves.

I'm tired, but I am not giving up this battle. I will regain my footing and stand proudly atop that peak that I shall conquer.

Nothing can beat me down, I am stronger now. I am no longer that pathetic wreck of an excuse that runs away from danger. I am a man, a man with principles. A man who has finally recognized what he holds dearest to his heart.

A grown man. I will continue weaving this dream until it becomes so entwined with the very fabric of reality that all things come to realization.

A better man.

Post No. 230

2009-08-04T22:56:00.003+10:00

Hello world!

I'm in a fine mood today.

First of all, because I am keeping up with my semester resolutions so far. I've made friends with 'angmohs', lots of them. And so far they seem pretty nice to me which is really great.

Second of all, I'm keeping up with all my work and my studies, another plus point to the good mood!

Oh! And one more month to Sasha Fierce's concert!

Oh I can just feel all the endorphine coursing through my body right now!

I am so happy today that I've decided to be nice for a while.

Yes, I am that happy, and I hope I'll stay happy. :) I'm pretty sure you would want me to stay happy for your own personal gain too.

Sick

2009-08-03T02:52:00.003+10:00

I'm sick and tired of myself. I'm sick and tired of my lifestyle.

I'm sick and tired with how I look, I'm sick and tired with my weight. I'm sick and tired with how I wear the same stuff over and over again. I'm sick and tired with how unfit I feel each time I try to even get up from my chair.

I'm sick and tired with how I get by every day by doing the same non-constructive things. I'm sick and tired of procrastinating. I'm sick and tired of having to say 'I'll leave it till the next day'.

Thus far, I have not made full use of my everyday. I have slacked at home. I have damaged my body by eating unhealthily for the past year and a half.

I came to Melbourne a healthy albeit a lil overweight chap. And with winter as my excuse, I've turned into this unhealthy near obese teenager!

I aim for Medicine because I really want to save lives one day but until now I have yet to make any significant sacrifices on my part to actually make sure that I'll be able to pursue my education in that field!

I AM SICK OF ALL THESE!

It is time for change. And I know this time I mean it because I have alluded to this many times in my previous posts but unless I manage to get it out in the open, and unless I admit it in front of the whole world, I know I'll just keep running away from it.

So there it goes, I've spilled my heart out here. Now it is seriously time for change!

I want to live healthily.

I want to study hard.

I want to make full use of my time instead of just rotting away at home watching drama series.

Henceforth,

I shall dance more than ever.

I shall keep up with my tasks and even do some additional reading.

I shall cease to eat out unless absolutely necessary.

I shall cease to eat snacks, junk food, fast food, late night suppers, teatime meals.

I shall walk instead of taking the tram.

I shall wake up and sleep at normal hours.

I shall do more productive things than sitting around doing nothing.

I shall not leave my dishes undone in the sink. I will wash it immediately! Instead of procrastinating!

I shall hone my dance skills so well until I become one of those that people admire, instead of having to admire people's dancing abilities all the time.

I SHALL STRIVE FOR PERFECTION.

I am fiercely determined right now, so let's just hope this stays with me.

P/S: It means I need your support guys by constantly being there for me and reminding me of my goals if you see that I'm falling off the train.

ONWARD TO A NEW DAY!!!!!

考验

2009-07-30T23:46:00.002+10:00

七月，八月，九月。这三个月从来都不是我最喜欢的月份。这三个月经常是我每年必经的人生低潮期。

这段时间也常常是我与别人友谊经历考验的时期。绝交，建立新的友谊，这将变成这段期间的常象。

我现在也只默默盼望，不敢对这些事情有再多奢侈的期待。

希望一切将在尽头重见一片光明！

Moved On, I Really Have

2009-07-28T17:26:00.003+10:00

Dear C,

I was looking around my email inbox and I incidentally moved the cursor towards the Stuff section and landed a click on it. The page loaded and I saw, what I did not expect myself to see. An email from you, dated 15th of September 2007. Then my memory was refreshed, all the way back to the last day of August when everything happened on that fateful day.

My life took a turn.

We argued all the time, and we ignore each other too. But in the end, we ended up being okay with it and moved on with our friendship. However, that day things changed. Forever.

We ceased to talk to each other ever since. And that issue continued to haunt me for the rest of my days up till today. When I saw that final email you sent to me, the one stating that you know that you are at fault for spreading those falsehoods about me and that you really just want things to stay the way it is. After rereading the email, after two whole years where I am able to experience other things and to grow and to mature, I have decided that I have not truly moved on from the whole incident.

So I clicked on the Delete button, and took the first step of moving on. The first move towards genuine self-healing.

I know this time, I have truly moved on.

No longer will that email haunt me. No longer will those painful memories plague my development of friendships with other people.

Trust, is something you took away from me. And with that DELETE, I got back what I needed the most.

You taught me a lot of things in life, and I hope that through you I turn out to be a better person.

I have grown today. I really have.

Flight

2009-07-20T21:14:00.002+10:00

As I sit here, right next to the window looking out towards the wide open space housing so many of the flights that will eventually, and hopefully, bring their passengers to their destination, I can't help but feel that life goes on amidst all that chaos happening around us.

July has been a month of sheer excitement and unfortunate events. First, there was the untimely death of the legendary King of Pop, Michael Jackson. I am still coming to terms with his death, though I must admit I did not expect myself to be so profoundly impacted by his demise.

Then there was the death of Mr.Teoh Beng Hock which up till now, is still shrouded in a mysterious veil of political motives and beneficial battles. A simple man with a complex background whose incomprehensible fashion of death plagues everyone's mind. Be it his friends and relatives who genuinely feel the despair at his lost, or the people behind all the supposed curtain orchestrating move after move with the constant relation to his death to supposedly fuel propaganda against their opposition.

These people, though not remembered for their works during their life, are remembered and often mentioned in tabloids and newspapers for their news value.

I just do not understand why people care so much how Michael Jackson's two sons and daughter will end up? Or did Joe Jackson really abused him as a child? I also do not get why people want to accuse others of Mr Teoh's death when no light has been shed whatsoever, casting this aura of injustice and lack of confidence in the country's very foundation. The dead has passed, and we should remember them for who they were, history should not be allowed to continue on with their life story after their death. History should not be given the right to fabricate their legacy.

Alright, I know it's kinda weird to be mentioning all this on a post regarding my departure from Malaysia to Melbourne. So I'll just shift back to my main topic. ME!

So I'll be leaving Kuala Lumpur at 9.30pm Malaysian time tonight and I'll be arriving Melbourne at, reportedly, 8.00 am in the morning. After basking in the scorching sun for almost a month and suffering all that haziness I have around me, its safe to say that I do miss Melbourne's chilling weather and fresh air.

Of course, life there wouldn't be complete without you awesome people! I miss all of you, above everything else.

See you guys soon!

A Year Has Gone And Passed,

2009-07-17T03:36:00.005+10:00

Today is the 17th of July 2009. Today is a Friday. Today marks the last day of my eighteenth year.

I've got this long standing tradition of doing a dedicated post for my birthday eve reflecting on what transpired in that particular year. This is no different. As I welcome my final teen year, I look back to my past in hopes that I'll be able to learn and grow from my mistakes.

My eighteenth year was rather tumultuous as it began. After celebrating that significant birthday with 18 of my closest friend at that moment, everything in my world started to go wrong. Misconceptions, lies, misunderstanding plagued the first few months and I gradually grew tired of all that falsehood and the attempt at trying to mend things.

A mistake I hope I have learned from. Instead of running away in the face of all these hardships, I pray that I have grown and develop the courage and the necessary spirit to face things.

I gave up, and that was wrong of me. I lost hope.

I struggled for a good two ol' months in solitude. I was sad and hopeless. Being in a distant land was in no way a big help. It only added on to my burden, to all that emotional baggage I was carrying.

Then, metaphorically, a beacon of light appeared amidst all that darkness. That beacon came in the form of my current group of friends.

They are a group of people who are loving, caring, kind, sharing, nurturing, nonjudgmental, happening, fun to hang out with. They are a group of people who seriously hails from all walks of life. A concoction of genuinely nice people.

As I've faced difficulties in trusting people, I knew I was treading dangerous waters as I made the decision to accept them in my life, and thankfully they did the same to me. After spending a few months with this group of people, I am certain that this is the group that I have grown to love and care for. The ones where I will cry with them, laugh with them, get frustrated with them even over the most minute of matters, get disappointed with them, lend my shoulders to them, hug them, dance with them, have late night outings that are way past our bedtime, hang out in their rooms, play poker with them, have potluck with them and many more. Then of course, a few from this group introduced me to a person I can only say bears so much resemblance to my best friend back at home, personality-wise.

This year saw an addition of a smaller group of people into my life. This group consists of six amazing girls and one, how should I put it, erm, less amazing but still quite amazing guy, who are good at what they do. They, too, play no small part in my eighteenth year.

From them, I learn to embrace intimacy. They are seriously the first group of people that I have ever HUGGED. I have serious intimacy issues, I know, but you can't blame me just because I grew up in this social background that never demanded or even permit such actions to be carried out.

From them, I learn to trust once more. The people I have around me, I know they never judge me, I know they will never betray me. And I know they will be as truthful to me as I am to them.

From them, I learn acceptance and tolerance. We make a great deal of diversity in terms of personality, and that has really taught me well on how to accept people for who they are and just tolerate.

From them, I learn how to laugh as hard as I can without holding back. And to experience fun in brand new ways.

As much as they have given me, I wish to give back.

For them, I promise my loyalty until of course my loyalty is betrayed.

For them, I promise my relentless call to their aid in times of need.

For them, I promise my ear and my shoulder whenever they need them.

For them, I promise a lifetime of joy and happiness with jokes and sarcasm.

For them, I promise that I'll take care of them so long as they are around me.

For them, I promise I will do anything it takes, to make them smile and stay happy.

For them, I promise, I will love them.

For them, I promise that I WILL NEVER LEAVE THEM.

For them, I promise the biggest thing that I can ever give, me. My mind, my heart, my soul.

In no particular order:

Nicole, Izzie, Ryan, Sha, Wen Ting, Joleen, Tai Howe, Caitlin, Alastair, Michele, Jiah Lit, Yee-Hooi, Carmen, Jun Jing, Yun Shen.

Thank all of you, for having seen through this tough year with me and very much added a lot of color into the otherwise dull year.

I hope you guys will continue down this journey with me, promise me I will see all of you at the end of this journey next year same time?

In other words:

Stay with me bitches! And we'll fuck around like nobody's business! =D

Resentment

2009-07-15T04:37:00.002+10:00

I hate you. Yes, you!

You know I'm talking about you, so stop pretending like we're on such good terms, because you know deep down inside that we are not. You hate me for spoiling all your plans and that I was never supportive of anything you do, and I hate you because you are just a wannabe who wants to fit in with everyone else, you have no concept of time and its association with the strengthening of bonds between people whatsoever.

I hate you.

Period.

Desires

2009-07-13T00:16:00.002+10:00

People desire a lot of things, I am no different.

But I've to work hard for it and achieve all those desires.

I've got to prioritize, and discipline myself.

Enough is enough.

Misconduct

2009-07-04T02:13:00.003+10:00

Hmm...its been what, only 11 days since I got back to Malaysia from Melbourne and already I'm at the brink of taking my own life before this boredom does it for me.

I haven't been doing much these days apart from staying at home and wither away with time.

The situation has transgressed to such a point that I couldn't tell what day it was on Wednesday, still thinking that it was Tuesday.

I need my daily dose of entertainment! Please! Someone, ask me out before I'm driven to insanity!

Run Away

2009-06-28T16:48:00.002+10:00

Boredom.

A plague I'm suffering throughout my return to Malaysia which has only lasted for six days. The swine flu fear instilled in everyone's heart by over-reacting authorities aside, Malaysia' pretty darn the same as it was before I left for my university studies.

The heat, the humidity. That constantly haunting belief that you'll be burned alive unknowingly or spontaneously combust into flames. All that is a clear sign that you're back to the place you are most familiar with, the place where it's always Truly Asia.

I haven't been doing much apart from that one-time outing with YY at Midvalley to catch the recent craze that is Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, and I also attended Carmen's 18th birthday party at Scholokart (is that how it's spelled?) Solaris, Mont' Kiara. The former was amazing as it managed to live up to my expectations, and believe me, my expectations were high, considering the fact that I've just watched the first Transformers movie two days before the second one for the first time in my life.

I know, go on, rant about how shocked you are and the disbelief you are in right now at the mention of me not having watched the movie that is made of pure awesomeness. Well, I'd give the sequel a 9 out of 10 while the first movie deserves an 8.5 from me. Although I know some people might think otherwise but, ah, whaddaya know, screw you.

Carmen's birthday party was awesome too but because it centers around her and not me, hence I shall not make any further mention about it here, lest I manage to glorify her through my blog post, which is advertising, really.

Anyway, many things occured back in Melbourne throughout the week. Things that I wish will not change how things were back there. We'll just have to cross our fingers and pull through I suppose.

Oh! And in case you've been living in a cave that was submerged in the sea since the last Ice Age and you do not belong to the species Homo Sapiens but rather to something more unevolved,which in that case you are totally forgiven for not accomplishing the following, you would have noticed or caught wind of the untimely death of the King of Pop, none other than Michael Jackson himself.

I must admit I've never been a big fan of his music or just him in general. Rather, his music and dance moves were exposed to me in various ways. First, there's my father who swears by him as, I quote, 'the best'. Then there's that constant play of his music videos on titanic music channels the likes of Channel V and MTV. And of course, his influences stretched far and wide into the deepest trenches of Dance. I think it would be correct to say that in almost every piece of choreography that are danced to today, there will be some trace or semblance to the late King's dance moves.

Although his later years were infested with negative news perpetuated by the media no less, his siginificant contribution to the world should not be diminished.

And hence, here, I salute him and pay my last respects to the Legend that will live forever in everyone's heart. Thank you Michael, for having lit the lives of many and also contributed tremendously to Music and Dance. May you find peace in the Heavens.

Alright, if by this point, your brain has ceased to absorb what your eyes attempt to take in, you should rejoice at the fact that I'm almost done with this long and meaningless blog entry.

Last thing I'd like to make note of is that I need something to do before I wither away with the passing of time. So please, somebody, entertain me on Plurk or MSN. Or if you live in KL, call me up to hang out!

You peeps have a nice day now and be good!

The Most Intense Person I Have Ever Known

2009-06-26T14:14:00.003+10:00

Today marks the day when a certain someone turn 18. 18's a big number! I hope she'll enjoy her birthday today!

Here's to Carmen Teoh Jiah Min, my Supernatural drama buddy and my spontaneous laughter bitch!

Library mayhem!

Late night outings where I'm the pimp!

Have a good one! And may you stay ever intense when demons are around and hot guys are taking them down!

Understand

2009-06-23T23:35:00.001+10:00

One day, I hope you guys will understand, but you guys will never. More like, you guys can't.

Sometimes, I wish I live in the same world with you guys, I really do.

Touchdown

2009-06-22T17:21:00.000+10:00

Alright bitches! After the previous oh-so-sentimental post, this one's gonna be a normal one.

I'm back bitches! I'm in KL now, and I'm coughing up a bit, hope its not Swine Flu though. I'll see how things go!

Till then, good luck for any of the exams you guys are still having yeah? =)

Departure

2009-06-21T03:57:00.003+10:00

My first semester in Melbourne University officially comes to an end as of tomorrow when I board that 12am flight en route to Kuala Lumpur.

Semester 1, was rather enthralling. After last year's painful experience, I was determined not to let history repeat itself again. And so far, I'm doing pretty well.

I had a potluck tonight. It wasn't a big deal or anything but I was really happy to see all the friends I love all in one room, sitting down (or some of them standing up) together, eating food prepared by each other, that really put a smile on my face.

We're so busy with our studies, and our assignments and our exams that we really lacked the time and opportunity to just sit down and have a satisfying meal while discussing about each others' current condition. Tonight, I was blessed with that opportunity.

It didn't feel like just any dinner, it felt like family. I firmly believe that while we're here all alone thousands of miles away from where we all come from, its important that we have people we come to see as family in our lives.

I love exam periods. Exam periods are the time when I can get to study with the other awesome gang ie. Michele, Jiah Lit, Yun Shen, Carmen, Jun Jing, Yee Hooi, but sadly Caitlin doesn't go to the library much boo-hoo. This is another gang of peeps I enjoy having around very much.

Anyway, my point is, I believe that I have definitely grew closer to each and everyone of them. I'm quite surprised that I am actually as close to Jiah Lit as I am now, since well, honestly I wouldn't have thought I'd get to know him at all last year. Then Carmen and Yun Shen just continue to amaze me with their randomness. Michele's dramatic episodes are enough to fuel my life with even more motivation. Yee Hooi's occasional appearances amuses me. Caitlin's honest kindness reminds me that good is still out there somewhere.

Enough about this group of awesome people. And move on to MY group of awesome people. Ryan, I really have to thank you so much for having me around last year and giving me the chance to know all of you. I know you might not remember this or even know about it but last year you sent out an sms to everyone, including me, that says:

"Hey family! Let's have dinner together tonight at..."

That message really touched me. Down to the very core. I am forever in your debt. Really.

And Sha, you've always been the one I bitch to about all my mundane problems and you are always there to listen. You're really a very fun person to hang out with, and I love it when you go all so dramatic. And then of course there's Wen Ting, my best accent buddy! You continue to amaze me each and everyday with your awesomeness. Izzie, you've changed so much since I first knew you, in a very good way! You are much happier, much open and much more beautiful than you were last year! Stay this way, please! And Nicole, thanks so much for putting up with all my weird perks and beliefs, I really value your tolerance very much. And of course, who can forget, our beloved Tai Howe. I know you hate me for insulting you every single day, but believe me, I insult you because I love you. I know its strange, but you make me feel like myself, and well, that's just how I am, mean and condescending. But you know I never meant any of those insults. So don't take it too seriously. And you are one funny person and hell of a friend to hang out with.

Well, all I can say is, you guys have seen this journey through with me thus far, I pray, and hope, everynight, that each and everyone of you will still be at the end of the journey with me.

Love you guys.

Reflection

2009-06-19T11:57:00.002+10:00

One more month to go and I'll be saying goodbye to my eighteenth year. Looking back, its been a great year. There's my fair share of ups and downs.

Reconciliation is something I still long for with many, but I can never muster the courage to do that. Still, I guess I just have to get used to the fact that somethings are best left unchanged. What works best for me now, should stay how it is.

Oh, just before I allow it to slip out of my mind and since he has been such a good chap following my blog all these time, here's to Alastair. May you have a joyous and wonderful 18th birthday and may you endure ever more, the hardships that are in store for you.

In other words,

Happy Birthday Alastair Kwan Ho Chi. I hope you like the presents we got for you!

Anyway, pardon that slight digression. Due to the swine flu chaos over here in Melbourne, my mother decided it was wise for me to return to Malaysia earlier than I intended to. So I have officially changed my return date to the 22nd of June, I'll be arriving in KLIA on the 22nd of June at 6.30a.m Malaysian time.

I can't wait go get back and see all of you guys and eat all the nice food again. I have been deprived of anything more interesting than a scallop potato.

Alright, heading off to Chapel Street for the first time in my life today. Sha's best friend, Ming Ying, is coming down to visit from Sydney and we're gonna show her around. And then there's clubbing tonight, which I'm pretty sure I'll enjoy very much. Then there's potluck at my place tomorrow night.

Always with the amazing group of people I love so much. Thanks, for making a half of my eighteenth year wonderful, and I hope you guys will be there to see through the nineteenth and many more to come.

Reality

2009-06-17T10:34:00.000+10:00

Maybe I was wrong...right from the start?

Readjustments

2009-06-13T05:47:00.002+10:00

It's 6 in the morning, and I'm still spending time in front of my computer. Exams are not exactly over for me, considering I still have another paper to sit for, Spanish, to be exact. But that's easy.

Well, it's official, I screwed up this semester, but I am not gonna let this get in the way of my dreams! I'm gonna work hard, really hard to achieve what I want.

I've come up with a list of things I'd like to accomplish. I hope I can stick to it, since I've never had any considerable amount of success with accomplishing things.

Anyway, my holidays have officially started, time to rest and recover!

I'm off to bed! See you, world!

Inspiration

2009-06-04T21:59:00.001+10:00

Hello!

I've been at the library since 9am in the morning. I have accomplished much but not enough! I'll try again tomorrow when I'm fully replenished!

Things should be better now, now that I've got a role model.

I feel so inspired to achieve my dreams, to seize my ambitions.

Alright enough crap talk, time to recuperate the battle goes on tomorrow!

Get Up After You Fall

2009-06-04T09:46:00.003+10:00

Hello peeps! I'm really sorry for the lack of updates lately, unless you want daily updates on what I've accomplished in my preparation for exams which normally borders along the lines of what I've covered so far for Biology, Chemistry, Calculus, I really do not see the point of updating this blog.

So why the sudden divergence from the original plan you ask?

Simple. I just need to note this down so I can look back at this post and laugh to myself, thinking that I was so stupid once.

Yesterday night was a rather depressing night for me. I have just weathered three nights of library mayhem in which I've done nothing but study for my upcoming exams. Of course, there is the occasional, okay maybe not, the frequent, fooling around with friends the likes of Shen, Michele, Jun Jing, Shi Mei, Izzie, Jiah Lit, Vincent and more. In addition, to make things worse, it has come to my knowledge that a few people that I've been seeing walking about on campus are actually in elite fields such as Dentistry and Medicine.

And it suddenly dawned on me how inferior I was compared to all of them. Here they are, good-looking people who look like they party all the time, and yet they are doing what I dream about doing. Then my mood took a depressing downturn, I felt inadequate and helpless. The world suddenly seemed so large a place for me to be in.

Knowing me, this is rare, considering the fact that I have always proclaimed myself as a divine being, drawing similarities of my ego-ness to that of a God.

Still, I couldn't help but let all those negative thoughts and energy affect me. Until I got home and did some quiet thinking. I realize, here, I have fallen, I have wasted one semester fooling around.

I realize that those smart dudes don't just get into what they got into just cause they are smart, they managed to do so because they worked hard for it too. And here I am, complaining about not being able to see myself achieving the same while I never worked hard to realise those dreams in the first place.

So I have concluded, it's time to get up. I've fallen down, and I've stayed down for almost a two months now. It is really time to get myself up and start fighting for what I think is a worthy battle.

If they can do it, so can I. Have faith, work hard and persevere. Besides, I'm not stupid, I'm just lazy.

Get up after you fall Eric, always remember that.

Determination

2009-05-30T23:46:00.001+10:00

I tried to stop what I'm doing and start doing things the right way. But I've delayed it far too long.

It's time I really DO change the way I'm doing it. It really is.

Denial

2009-05-26T22:07:00.002+10:00

Hello people! So sorry for the lack of any interesting blog posts lately, I've been rather sick lately. My body decided to play this merciless prank on me, sending my immune system into overdrive. It's been a rather miserable week now but I'm coping with it.

Anyway, the main point of this blog post is to remind you people that I'm still alive. By the way, I just got back from Borders on a very impulsive buy. I got myself two books. Two very interesting books.

Alright now, I'm gonna bury myself in those books now. See you people!

Thank You

2009-05-24T00:37:00.002+10:00

As you all may have known by now, I have been sick for almost a week now.

And during this period of excruciating suffering and misery, I have come to seen just how nice people around me are.

Thanks to Izzie and Shen for giving me some of their medicine, which worked wonders on me.

Thanks to the people who constantly wished me to get well soon.

I'm feeling much better now.

Augmentations

2009-05-20T21:13:00.002+10:00

Jubilance is hard to come by especially under the circumstances of being infirm.

I loathe being plagued by all these afflictions!

I am in dire need of respite.

Facade

2009-05-18T23:12:00.002+10:00

Ever experienced this period of time where you just can't seem to muster the strength to be happy?

Ever been through this moment in your life where you just can't seem to find any reasons or purposes to stay strong anymore?

Ever wanted to just shut yourself from the whole wide world and just be alone?

Ever felt like no one understands you better than yourself, but then you realize, you can't live on your own?

I'm at that place now. That dreadful, dreadful place.

And I don't see the way out any time soon.

Revelation

2009-05-14T14:55:00.000+10:00

It has been you all along, I just didn't realize.

It was you along, I just didn't have the courage to admit it.

It was you, and only you.

Just A Thought

2009-05-13T01:24:00.002+10:00

It's been quite a while since I've had a post on musings and personal thoughts. Guess I'll do one now.

Is it really necessary to transcend all social barriers to achieve a whole new realm of understanding? I'm growing too much and too fast mentally, well physically too but let's not get near that topic.

Things are changing around me so rapidly these days that I can hardly keep track with what's going on. One thing after another, this is just getting very taxing on my mind. Plus, many truths are unraveling around me lately. Some of them I could'nt give a rat's ass about it, while the others, I shudder to think about it.

Gone were the days when we could just have simple and innocent thoughts. Now, it's as if we fight our own personal demons each and everyday, all that tumultuous thoughts raging in everyone's minds. I need to break away from all this.

Being engulfed in this endless whirlpool of hideous knowledge and confessions are just way too much for the more simple and subtle life I choose to live.

Now, I may never be the same again because the things I believed in are no longer valid. My beliefs have been challenged, now it won't be long before I crumble along with them.

Happy Birthday Yee Hooi!

2009-05-07T00:39:00.003+10:00

Someone turned 19 today.

TEE YEE HOOI.

Could still remember she was one of my first few friends in Trinity coz she was in my orientation group. And last year she invited me over for her birthday dinner.

But anyway.

Happy Birthday Tee Yee Hooi. You've never been a person short of fun.

Sorry about the picture, its just TOO amusing to not post it. =)

Have a nice one girl =D

A Lil Thinking

2009-05-05T22:18:00.002+10:00

¡Hola amigos!

I hope all of you are doing well. I know I am. Just came back from a class with Stephen, it was nothing short of amazing as always. And he complimented my dance moves! I'm very happy right now!

Anyway, heading to Frank Tate to do work and some revision soon! Exams ending on the 16th! HAHA to Joleen and Mojo who both have to suffer till the 26th of June!

Alright, I do realize that my entries are getting shorter and shorter, but there's nothing much I can do about it. There just isn't anything worth blogging about these days. I promise I'll come up with a long one as soon as possible!

Gotta chao dears! Much love!

First Class

2009-05-05T00:02:00.002+10:00

Hellllllooooooooooooooooooooo people of the world!

How are you doing? Endorphines are rushing through my veins now as my very first dance class ended about an hour ago! The experience was amazing! And the turn-up was quite high!

I love you guys! I can't wait to get to know each and every one of you! And you guys are amazing! Really amazing dancers with very high potential to be even better!

Let's work hard to a flawless gig piece!

Excited

2009-05-03T13:07:00.002+10:00

Hello everyone!

Friday night's clubbing was fantastic, the DJ really knows how to work things up for the crowd. Saturday was spent resting at home.

Anyway, great news! My Pop Dance class is taking place on Monday at 8.30-9.30 at Arts Center! Be there to support me alright?

See ya guys around!

Happy Birthday Michele! =)

2009-04-29T22:50:00.003+10:00

Okay, Jun Jing is so gonna kill me for this (cause I failed to dedicate a post to her, but oh well!).

A friend of mine turned 19 on the 30th of April, sad and unfortunate for her to be celebrating her last birthday with a 1 in front of the age. There goes her TEEN years. I am evil.

Anyway, here's to Michele Lim! A bubbly girl who's constant expressiveness and enthusiasm never fails to make me laugh!

Happy birthday Michele and may all your wishes come true (specifically those pertaining to my welfare and benefits, so you had better wish for something good for me!)
p/s: Now that I'm done with this post, Michele's gonna want to kill me.

By the way, it's also my brother's birthday today, so Happy Birthday to my brother, not that he reads my blog or anything, or does he?!

It's Too Late To Catch Me Now

2009-04-29T11:12:00.002+10:00

Good morning everybody! It's a sunny 11 am in the morning here in Melbourne and I'm sounding awfully cheerful because I've just awaken from a very satisfying sleep. Yesterday's intensive dance class was enough to send me sleeping for a good ten hours!

Now that I feel so revitalized, I've got the "mojo" to do just about anything!

Can't wait for tonight because I'll be choreographing with Joleen again, hopefully we'll be able to come up with something interesting! By the way, I realize that it's week 8 of the semester already! That's like four weeks before our exams come!

Really gotta start studying. And I know that my blog posts have been rather short lately. Well what can I say? It's a good sign because that means I do not have a lot to rant about.

Anyway, gotta go get prepared for classes now, see ya'll!

Dance Dance

2009-04-28T21:53:00.003+10:00

Hello people! I am on an endorphine rush right now. Why? You might ask.

The answer is simple.

After having attended Stephen's Beginner/Intermediate Hip-Hop class, Izzie and I decided to try out the Advance class.

Which was held right after the hour long beginner class! The Advance class lasted for about an hour and a half and instead of doing Hip-Hop, we did Jazz, which was really an interesting and new experience for me. Though I must admit that my habits managed to portray me as a rude boy! Shame on myself!

Anyway, I'm really glad I did what I did today, the class was awesome as always. Plus, who doesn't like dancing for two and a half hour aight?

Alright, I'm officially tired now,shall call it a night soon! Swine flu on the loose, take good care of yourselves, I'm not kidding!

Mood Elevation

2009-04-28T02:33:00.000+10:00

Its 2.30 am on a Tuesday morning and I'm sitting right in front of the computer, refusing to allow myself to sleep. Well, not really refusing though, more like I can't sleep.

Anyway, just got an email from Yusuf confirming my time slot for dance class next week! Things are starting to fall into place! I am happy!

To add on to the happiness, I love my heater at home which keeps me warm in this cruel, chilly autumn night.

Alright, I have to go and rot at one corner now. Take care!

Sub-Zero

2009-04-27T23:01:00.002+10:00

Damn it! The weather is freaking cold today, it's been below 13ºC for the whole day and its 8ºC now, in the middle of the night!

Anyway, I'm quite hyped up about tomorrow's Biology Practical Session. We're dissecting mice! Finally time to get down and dirty with the scalpel! SCALPEL! This is so Grey's Anatomy-ish.

Well, I just hope that the weather improves tonight.

Something Interesting

2009-04-26T17:17:00.002+10:00

So I'm bored as hell at home so I came up with this thing:

When we were in high school, tasks given out by teachers are called HOMEWORK.In University, we call them ASSIGNMENTS, as though it makes them sound any more cooler.

When we were in high school, any foreigners that are studying with us are deemed COOL. Now, the foreigners, or rather, the locals that are studying with us are deemed RACIST.

When we were in high school, we call it RECESS. Now, RECESS is such a lame term that we chose LUNCH over it instead.

When we were in high school, we look forward to the END of school because then we can go home to our tasty dinners prepared by our families. In University, we dread the end of lessons because that means we'll have to go back home to cook or figure out where to eat out again.

When we were in high school, we couldn't wait to escape all our parents and teachers' incessant nagging. In University, we miss having someone to push us to do our work, to remind us that we should be studying and not get so hooked up in front of the monitor watching American drama series.

When we were in high school, we complain about the cleanliness of the toilet. In University, no one compliments the toilet-cleaner's good work.

Despite all these differences, one thing never changed.

In high school, we were young, immature, emotional and rash teenagers. In University, we still are.

Just thought it'd be interesting. Heh. Okay I am officially bored to the point of no return, heading to Frank Tate now.

How I Wish

2009-04-26T12:29:00.002+10:00

Alright, I know I've ranted about this before but I really wish I could be back in Malaysia on the 2nd of May. The sheer idea of missing 老大's concert is too much to bear. I can't believe it's in six more days, whatever happens, 老大加油！Your fans here in Melbourne shall support you spiritually from a far distance! I'm pretty sure your concert will rock, as always!

On an irrelevant note, I went out for Starbucks yesterday night with Carmen, Izzie and Jun Jing. Was kinda fun, considering the fact that we were braving through the chilling Melbourne weather just to get a cup of coffee. The weather here is really going nuts, it's what? A freaking 10ºC during midday today!

Anyway, I'm craving for lots of things, namely dimsums, Max Brenners and Starbucks(again?yes). And I have loads of work to catch up with!

If you are free, try checking out 另一個天堂 by 老大! It's an amazing song, the female singer's not bad too.

Counting Stars

2009-04-24T00:43:00.003+10:00

As poetic as I attempt to sound, the blog title has nothing at all to do with anything at the moment. So it's almost 1am on a fine friday morning, and I'm still wide awake right in front of my computer, allowing my fingers to slide up and down on the keyboard whilst tapping the buttons on it to make all these cute fonts jump out on screen. Why am I doing this? I have no idea.

But I must say, I agree with Carmen that shopping aisle by aisle at Safeway is indeed very therapeutic. Or was it Yun Shen's belief? In any way, Safeway makes me happy. And so does this next piece of news.

If everything progresses well, my class will kick off on the week after the 2nd of May, so if you are a part of Flare, please make sure you check out the schedule and try to make it! It'll be tonnes of fun, I promise! Well, if I do happen to break my promise and the class turns out to be the most boring event of the year, there's nothing much I can about it but still! Come!

Will be looking forward to see all of your faces there.

春雨里洗过的太阳

2009-04-23T18:56:00.002+10:00

分开之后另一年的春天
At the new Spring after we've broken up
记忆也像下雪一样溶解
My memories melted down like snow
那些有你在身边的影片
Those pictures of you by my side
呼的一声飞得老远老远
Flew far far away with just a breathe
爱在夏天过完之后锁在秋天
Love stops in Autumn after Summer has passed
当爱过多年之后的我好了一些
I'm fine after a few years of after being loved
雨后的天上彩虹出现衬出一片蓝天
A rainbow appeared in the sky after the rain, bringing out the blueness
我在淋过一场大雨之后的晴朗
I'm now standing under the clear skies after experiencing a heavy rain
那是春雨里洗过的太阳
That is the Sun after it was washed by the Spring Rain
每个冬季带来失落伤得多深
No matter how much the sadness that every Winter brings about
然后忽然看懂云的形状
I suddenly realize the shape of the clouds
if you listen to the rhythm of the pouring rain
每个呼吸都是新的芬芳
Every breathe is refreshing
流下的眼泪留下了智慧
The tears I've dropped left behind wisdom for myself
爱情会天亮也一定会黑
Love will see dawn but of course also dusk
世界会等我它问我冬天过去没
The world will wait for me, and ask me has the winter passed?
那是春雨里洗过的太阳
每个冬季带来失落伤得多深
每个呼吸都是你的芬芳
春雨里洗过的太阳

Here's a rough estimate of what the song would sound like in English. Try not to take it too literally. It's an amazing song in Mandarin.

LeeHom forever yo! He is having his concert in just a few more days! Hope everything will go well!

On a totally irrelevant note, Joleen and I managed to choreograph for a significant part of the song If U Seek Amy, which is great!

That's all for now.

If U Seek Amy

2009-04-22T11:16:00.002+10:00

Had the awesomest Stephen's class yesterday, in fact, I think his classes are getting more and more awesome.

Anyway, I've been having moves flashing in and out of my mind lately for If U Seek Amy. I am hyped up for the class! I really hope you guys will enjoy the routine soon.

Ms Joleen! We must do this as best as we can!

Digressing from that, Biology test was so-so, scored 16 out of 25. Not bad, considering I didn't study much. Uni's back on track again, I just hope I'll be able to weather another 6 weeks of incessant assignments and lecture materials.

Alright, gotta go get prepared for classes now, take care!

Post Easter-Break Syndrome

2009-04-21T00:08:00.002+10:00

I know I'm not supposed to sound oh-so-mellow and stuff but screw this! I have a biology mid-semester test which I have failed to study for due to my inability to adhere to my study plan over the holidays. Now I'm suffering the consequences.

On a lighter note, plans are underway for me to choreograph a piece for Flare! This is really exciting for me. My fingers are crossed that things will work out!

Alright, I need to get back to studying now.

All Good Things Come To An End

2009-04-18T19:04:00.003+10:00

Hello people!

I am happy, happy, happy! Why? You might ask.

We had a guys night out yesterday night. Ryan, Alastair, Bin, Hsing Fu, Tai Howe and Ivan. We went pub hopping, well not really, ended up being in one pub only and a chill-out place the next.

Had lots of fun, everyone was quite high and was crapping through their mouths a lil. Tai Howe wore them heels! Shit!

Well, like what this blog title suggests, all good things must come to an end. Uni is starting soon. Gotta start working.

Oh! And I got casted into Jazz and Ballet for Flare. Apparently I'm only needed to carry some girls around for Ballet, not really the Ballet stuff. Gave me quite a scare there though. I think it's time I think about what style I'd like to stick to. Stephen's teachings really got me thinking a lot about my preferences.

Anyhow, gotta go get ready for dinner soon, Chui (Nic and Izzie's best friend from Malaysia, who is uber awesome) is leaving tonight!

Come back soon ya? And we'll bring you around, to the zoo.

Over and out.

Pierced, in a cool way

2009-04-16T22:43:00.002+10:00

Hello people! How's everything going? I hope things are going smoothly for you, I know they are for me. So anyway, just got back from a long day out. Woke up at about 12 to get myself down to Big Mama for lunch with Wen Ting and Nicole, and then moved our arses to Off Ya Tree, where I get my very own Eyebrow Piercing!

And for people who thinks: "What? What was he thinking getting an eyebrow piercing?"

Well guess what, I don't really care what you think. The important thing is, I like it a lot.

Then after that, went to St. Kilda beach to accompany Ryan and Sha for their sunset view project, which I'm pretty sure failed utterly. Had dinner there and a whole bunch of laughters.

Just to quote " Who TOE you so?"

Was a nice day, miss cracking up hard like that. Alright, I'm off to do other mundane stuff now, stay tuned alright?

PMSes of a Weather Pattern

2009-04-14T13:18:00.002+10:00

Melbourne has been rather bitchy to its inhabitants lately. Long gone are the days where you can just head out with your jacket, adamant that the violent frosty weather would just claim your life have you not done so. Instead, we have days where the weather pattern fluctuates as much as your mother's mood when she's undergoing pms.

I've been doing some work at home, trying my best to adhere to the study plan. I'll admit that I'm not 100% true to my words, but at least I'm 80% there. And I swear to God, or any higher power that you people believe in, that Lee Hom's music is the best and most therapeutic ones to listen to during work. They just sorta take your mind off all the frustration of studying! Especially the hyped up ones.

My biological clock has been rather screwed up for the past few days. Hopefully I'll be able to fix it before the break ends. And my right eyeball has been red for two days now, hope it's nothing big though.

MMA tonight with Stephen then having dinner at Big Mama with Wen Ting. What's even more exciting is Yumcha tomorrow at Shark Fin House with the gang! Can't wait. And I swear I'll bloat inifinitely if I continue eating like this.

2009-04-13T01:13:00.002+10:00

I am all better now. All I needed was a bit of alone time I guess. Thanks people for still standing by my side even though I doubted you guys and myself. Guess I needed the confidence jab, that's all. I emerge as a better person. Definitely.

-We'll never make it to heaven or even to LA, if you don't believe there's a way-

I Want To Be There!

2009-04-12T00:58:00.000+10:00

It just suddenly dawned on me that I really won't be able to see Lee Hom on the 2nd of May, and that is wrecking my mood, a lot.

Aw man! Please, come to Melbourne Lee Hom!

Voice Preservation

2009-04-11T16:53:00.002+10:00

Hello!

I have just experienced a full day of Lee Hom yesterday as we made our way to Jun Jing's place to listen to his songs and then sang all of them at Kbox after that. Turns out we did get to sing at Kbox after all.

You know, this recent influx of infatuation with Lee Hom is so unhealthy. I can't stop listening to his songs these days! Maybe it's due to the fact that I know I can't make it to his concert, but nevertheless his songs are never a pain to the ears.

Anyway, I'm down with sore throat and whatnots again, stupid Melbourne weather. And I realize I've placed too much strain on my voice yesterday, I can hardly hear myself today. So I'll just remain quiet throughout the rest of the day unless absolutely necessary. Wouldn't wanna lose my voice =)

Two more days till I have to kick off with my Easter Break plans! Persevere Eric! Like how Lee Hom does in his music =)

Inspiration sial!

Easter Eve

2009-04-09T14:23:00.003+10:00

I have just finished my Spanish class just now and had a little stroll around campus with Emmanuel, this friend I got to know in Spanish class. I can't believe Easter Break is here, I'm awfully hyped up about it though. I really need some R&R.

Anyway, I'm looking forward for tomorrow night's karaoke session with Jun Jing and the lot, I'm absolutely positive that it'll be fun.

Alright, here's a list of things I have to do during Easter Break:

Biology Revision - There's a mid-semester test right after the break, I'm wishing that I'll score full marks for it.
Calculus Assignment
Calculus Revision - Before I plunge into the point of no-return where I can no longer fathom mathematical equations
Chemistry Revision - Just cause

Let's just hope I can stick to my plan, since, knowing that I am not that fond of adhering to schedules.

p/s: Tomorrow's karaoke plans are cancelled! NO!

I Miss You

2009-04-09T01:34:00.002+10:00

Jia Chyi, Yu Jia and Yik Yeen. I miss you guys, a lot. I want to be with you guys right now so badly and sing 'so what' while we headbang in the car. I miss going to karaoke and singing random songs while jumping on the couch with you guys!

And I miss the times when Jia Chyi and Yik Yeen will fight over what song to sing.

Must celebrate my birthday together, alright? Promise me?

By the way, Jia Chyi are you in Kampar now?

Ah man, I really miss you guys all of a sudden! Hope to see you guys soon. Two more months!

Flare Dance Casting

2009-04-08T21:29:00.002+10:00

I skipped the whole day of uni today just to laze around at home, and boy did I laze around! We, as in Joleen, Sha, Nicole and I went for Flare Dance Ensemble's casting at the Arts Center around 6.

The room was packed, but overall we managed to learn three different routines, namely Lyrical, Hip-hop and Jazz, to the pop song No Air, side thought: Joleen does not know the song of the name! Can you say WTF?

Anyway, after that we were split into groups of six and asked to perform the routine twice in front of Brownyn and Ness. I think I kinda flunked my Hip-Hop routine but at least I tried. Hopefully I'll be cast into a good piece!

We got back to my place after dinner at Nasi Lemak House. I asked for Super Spicy for the Nasi Goreng Pattaya. It was exactly what I asked for! After that, we made our way back to CS where all of us fooled around in my room, dancing to No Air and Bleeding Love. Nicole left and the remaining of us chose to raise my room's reputation to the whole wide world.

As my room's window is facing the main street, Sha and Joleen danced around the window whilst waving to every single passerbies. Some of them waved back while some of them showed their utter discontempt at their insanity.

So that's about it for today I guess, I think I'll be going for Lyrical Jazz tomorrow at MMA to expand my dance capabilities. Or maybe Naomi's. Bah, I'll decide when the time comes.

Anyway, it's been a fun and tiring day so I guess I'll stop here. By the way, Bee Bee, your routine was nothing short of amazing =).

Show Me, Show Me

2009-04-07T22:44:00.002+10:00

It's 10.45 pm now, I better get ready to go to bed. But anyway, Stephen's class was a blast. I like the routine a lot, the song was sexy too. And I was the only guy in the class today but I still had lots of fun, dancing really is the best destress I can find.

I'm not that sad that Lee Hom's in Malaysia anymore because Jason asked me to go for a karaoke session on Thursday night with Ivan and the lot. I haven't confirmed with him on this yet but I hope I'll be able to gather up my mood and go. Singing is another activity I absolutely adore.

Then there's Friday clubbing at Eve for some Mambo thingy organized by the Singaporean Students Society, which is still not confirmed. Two more days away from a long awaited and well deserved break. I can't wait! Easter Break here I come!

Tuesdays @ Home

2009-04-07T12:44:00.002+10:00

I am bummed. It's a Tuesday and I'm supposed to have classes but due to my tutor being sick, I have no classes at all, which should be a cause to rejoice right?

But no.

I am bummed. Still bummed.

Because right now, a couple of thousand miles away, Lee Hom is having his promotional event in Kuala Lumpur for his upcoming concert that will be held at Bukit Jalil on the 2nd of May, which I will miss, again.

Lee Hom! Please come to Melbourne!

But on a much joyous note, Britney Spears has announced her interest in bringing the "Circus" tour down to Australia. It is not official yet but at least I have some hope to cling onto.

Oh! And I would like to take this opportunity to extend my condolences to 阿桑's fans. The female singer rose to fame a couple of years ago singing the theme song of 蔷薇之恋, titled 叶子, passed away yesterday night at a young age of 34 after a long hard struggle with breast cancer. Although I am not a big fan of her songs, but I must admit that her songs had at some point of my life been one of my favorite ones.

Digressing from that, I attempted the mid-semester feedback test for Chemistry and I must say I'm quite happy with my results! 11 out of 12. =)

Anyway, MMA tonight! Stephen's class, can't wait! And I've been listening to Lee Hom's song for the whole day, gotta love his songs man, seriously!

Okay, gotta go do some stuff before I go crazy because of all this inactivitiy.

A New Layout

2009-04-07T01:59:00.004+10:00

Alright, to be fair its not really new per se since I have just randomly picked it off the available templates on blogger. Anyway, Autumn has arrived in its full freezing glory with the temperature range finally locked between 8-15ºC. That alone makes me happy because at least I am now able to just wear my jacket throughout the whole day.

But of course, with every piece of good news comes an infinite amount of bad ones, the flu virus is getting to me again and I'm pretty sure I'll be sick in a couple or more hours. By the way, I am changing the tone of this blog. I realize that it's been all depressing around here that even weeds would just die off my monitor if I attempted to visit my blog.

Now where was I? Right. I'm changing the font size and type as well to better match a happier environment. Okay enough about this new layout update.

So last week was quite a blast, it passed by so fast I hardly noticed that we're halfway into our semester already. Flare Dance Ensemble presented some performances at the MUOSS night market in Uni. I went there solely for the purpose of rooting for Izzie, Joleen and Bee Bee. Their performances were nothing short of amazing. Then there was Nerd Night after the nightmarket thing at Se7en and all of us managed to put our dignity aside and embrace the full nerd in ourselves. The queue was a long wait and there were some mini-dramas but it all got resolved in the end. What's important is that we had a good time there, didn't we Wen Ting? *nudge nudge winks winks*

Oh and I should mention that it was Elizabeth's first time there as well. I hope it turned out to be quite an interesting experience for her.

Saturday was used for recuperation, that is, until nightfall. We managed to get our hands on some tickets to Stephen's (our dance instructor) dance production so Nicole, Izzie, Ryan, Sha, Wen Ting, Joleen, Wei Hao and I went all the way to Kew High School just to witness what turned out to be a breathtaking performance. The people were just so good that it makes you feel like dancing like them. Anyway, the 35 dollars was worth it.

It's Monday today and I have just woken up from my sleep. Very screwed up sleep pattern I know, but who are you to judge me? I have no classes tomorrow ;). Hopefully I'll be able to finish the Chemistry Mid-Semester Test tomorrow while I'm at home and not decide to just slack around for the whole day. Oh! Stephen's class tomorrow night at MMA! Can't wait for it. Then there's Flare's Casting on Wednesday night. Hope I'll get into something that suits me.

By the way, I realize I'm missing my family more than ever these days. Maybe because after having spent like a year or so alone overseas, I realize how important they are to me. Even so for my brother, whom I swear I would have not claimed that I miss him given a few years ago.
Australia changes people. :P

Okay, so I'm gonna experiment a little with a couple of blog posts, I'll be aligning this one to the middle of the blog so I'll need you guys to kindly leave me your comments in my chatbox on whether you think MIDDLE is the new handsome for this blog aight? Oh, and tell me about your opinion on this new font size as well, if it's too small I'd change it back to the original size.

Till then now, take good care of yourselves! Autumn does wonder to make you sick.

p/s: I have reverted back to the original posting alignment after having viewed the blog myself. So just tell me about the font size, if it makes you squint (especially you Wen Ting), then I'll have it back to normal in no time!

Mistake

2009-04-05T17:26:00.003+10:00

It was a mistake right from the start.

A mistake that I am still unable to grasp around.

A mistake that will cost me yet another high price that will have me traverse across the plains in solitude.

A mistake that will invoke past memories, and past miseries. To relive the pain all over again might be a good way to remind myself of my own stupidity and foolishness.

I need room to breathe. I need to think. I need to reset my focus. I need to prioritize. I need to see the bigger picture.

I need to be WITH myself again. I don't do well in large crowds, because I restrict myself to one purpose, to be there for others. Sometimes in all that commotion, you tend to lose yourself. And I have a very high tendency to lose myself.

I need to rest. I need to be myself for a while. I'm sorry.

I never knew how to let people in, and I never will. That will be the bane of me.

厌倦

2009-04-04T16:31:00.002+11:00

我很厌倦现在这种需要互相猜测对方心灵的日子。我累了，真的累了。

可能当初的决定是错的，我要的，你给不到，你要的我也无法满足你。

我真的需要你明白，我是不可能改变自己来实现你对我的期望。你的期望对我来说不公平，因为你不是我的第一个，你不能希望我能因为是你的第一次而成为你的最好。

很多时候，我选择沉默因为那是最好的解决方案。你就没有必要那么执着于是谁对谁错，因为有时是谁犯的错真的无所谓。

麻烦你，不要再给我反感的理由了好吗？